Well....

Well I tried to just sit back, take it in one moment at time, and find something to be happy about in every instance. And.... it worked? For the most part anyways. I had one idea of what my free time should look like, and the world had a different view. So I decided (eventually) that since it was my goal to Enjoy Life, that how I did it did not matter how I choose to do so, but more importantly that I keep making that choice.

  I had a great weekend after my last post, and another great one this weekend.  I met a new friend, filled my days with loved ones and spent much time in my garden- which is new to me (the garden is new to me, gardening is only partially new :)  When I get out into the Garden, I enjoy every aspect of it. I am really there. I can smell the fresh cut grass, hear the buzz of the bees, and feel the sun on my skin. It is wonderful- truly being present for something.

                         

 I am hoping to have my veggies (that I already have) planted by this weekend, and if I do perhaps I will have an " I just finished planting the veggies! Garden Celebration" and perhaps if I do not get it done this weekend, I could have an "I am enjoying the Process! Celebration" because it is one and the same. Either way, I am relishing in delight with every step I take in the Garden, and that seems to be a great reason to celebrate on its own.

I want to mention also that I recently started taking an online course through the Centers for Spiritual Living ( http://www.enhancing.com/foundational/ )

I have taken the foundations course already at the Center I found while I was away in "The Big City," and, I was pleased that, although there are no centers in Nova Scotia  ( You caught me, I am a Bluenoser,) there are courses offered online. Wonderful. I joined for the same reason that I am writing this blog: I know that there is a better Way to Live than what I had been doing earlier this year and I am very eager to get back to it- Permanently. Both the class and the blog serve as pointers to me, reminding me of what I have always known. And, not even three weeks into the class or this blog, and I am already starting to Snap Out Of It!

Awesome.

This time though, the Foundations course has a lot less reading and a lot more personal work... So I keep telling myself, "Ok you must need this, because here it is showing up for you." So, because I have nothing to loose and everything to gain, I threw myself blindly into following the instructions of my teacher, trying to Trust the Process.

And it is working. So well.

So, even though I may not be where my ego thinks I should be, I am following the advice of my friend, and fellow blogger Sara, who has recently posted the importance of looking at how far you have come instead of how far you need to go, and I am going to be easy on myself. I have come a far Way after all! And, of course, will continue to find (and apply) ways to make my life as Awesome as I know it can be :)

Pollyanna

OK. So I tried this blog thing already once and it obviously didn't go over that well. Not in the sense that I didn't have any followers (which I didn't) but in the sense that I am not sure why I had a blog- I wasn't that into it, I was just rambling (nice ramblings however) on a lot of things (positive things) that were vague and, well, not that well enough engraved in me. As much as I am set on being "POSITIVE" I found that it was just as easy to turn away from what I know to be true and right, and to fall into old patterns (that were not so nice) the moment it was easiest to do.

Here are a few things I am going to put out there, that I likely should have wrote the first time (two years ago) that I started blogging. First and foremost, I am not a guru, or anything of the sorts. I am a regular person who sees the value in a different way of living. I have been into positive thinking for quite some time, but got really involved when I found myself living in a big city, far away. And by big city, I mean city, because I am from a very small town of like 14,000 people, all of whom I know. (I am only partially kidding here.)

As soon as I left I started a new way of thinking, a new way of living. It was so easy when I left all of my old patterns, routines, familiar places and familiar faces behind. Out in the "World of the New World" it was very easy to develop new ways of thinking and being, and to further develop all of the traits I had inside of me in my small town, just waiting to erupt. For a long time in my little old town, I had a belief system that I felt most others would consider "wishful thinking," "naïve optimism," or just plain "superstition." What is worse is that I didn't have faith in it. After all, there have been people on this planet a long time, if my Magical Belief system really was reality, then why hadn't others been lead down that path too?

Well, enter city life and people by the dozen and it turns out that I wasn't alone in my way of thinking. There are thousands of people out here who think like I do, and thousands more who I haven't even heard of I am sure, and there it was! Life showed me the Way! I thought I was on it! Well and I guess I still am because even with set backs-  I no longer doubt my belief system, the transformative power of the human mind, and the ever so creative and intelligent Universe that surrounds me.

However, now that I am back home, with the "same ol people" and the "same ol problems" I am finding it very hard to Let Go and go with the Flow.

I have found myself feeling hatred even for another person (with whom I will refer to as Tara,) This may not be that big of a deal, as I have been getting a LOT of "Well you can't like everyone" type of advice, but to me it is a huge sign that I still am far from where I thought I was on my path to WAKING up.

Having said that, I am also aware that there is nothing for me to do to Awaken, that it is not something to force, it is not something that comes with conditions, "You have to love everybody and never have a negative emotion in your life,  or you will never Wake Up bwahahahaha" and it is certainly not something I am getting from my accomplishments "you get to reach enlightenment when you have read 437 spiritual books, have gone on a silent meditation for 45 years, and no longer need food to give your body energy," and, as ridiculous as these statements seem, it can really feel like that.

So earlier this year, for most of the year, I found myself being not only hard on myself, but also hard on others (Damn Tara) and most importantly Completely Miserable! I have been so miserable that I haven't even been able to go back to my positive ways of living, telling myself "What is the point anyways." It was a kin to sitting in a dark room trying to find something, and then saying to yourself, "I know that I could turn on this Light and that would really help (me to find what I am searching for) but I really can't be bothered because if I can't find it in the dark,  it is not worth looking for in the light- you know, just to find out that you have been holding said object in your hand the whole time.

So, why bother turning on the light anyways then? I have been asking myself/the universe, and the message I got was clear and simple: It is more enjoyable. The Waking up can't be rushed, but the Going with the Flow can be a lot of fun, if you let it.

Two days ago I started a 365 day meditation with my dear friend Sara- who is across country- and I have some more fun changes that are on the way as well. Three days into my meditating and I already remembered why I love to write: Because I love to share.

The reason why I started this blog in the first place was to help others find more enjoyment in their lives, and instead I found myself hating my own life, and not writing anything of value. But it has become clear to me that it is time to change.

One last thing: My blogger name "Pollyanna Pinkelstein" is a name that came to me back in the MSN/ICQ days. I used it as my screen name for no reason other than it sounded catchy. And it stuck with me. When I decided to start a (semi) anonymous blog it came to me again. And it stuck Out at me. Which, when things happen like that, are usually of some significance. And I had been called Pollyanna a few times by people I knew didn't have my ICQ account...  so it got me thinking and I went to google.

I learned that Pollyanna is a term used when describing a "naively-optimistic" person, and was the tittle and name of a main character in a popular book. The character it the book played a game called the "Glad" game to find something to appreciate in everything. At first people do not take her seriously and think her to be naïve, but later the entire town can see the merit in playing the "Glad game." The name Pinkelstein is even weirder.

When I found out the meaning for Pollyanna I was astounded- and even more excited to find the meaning of Pinkelstein. Pinkelstein is the name of a stone in Austria that Mozart had apparently peed on. The very small town decided to name the rock Pinkelstein "Pee stone" and have been allegedly celebrating the day Mozart peed on the stone every since. Coming from a small town myself, I appreciate the making up of holidays and reasons to celebrate- when you are out of reasons to celebrate, why not find Anything, and celebrate that?

So... at the end of my extremely long and over due post, I would like to add that I am going to keep blogging more regularly, not just because I like to share, but primarily because I have decided to do whatever it is that I can to create the life that I want- and this blog is what I am using for accountability. 

And tomorrow is one of the Holidays we have made up in my own small town, and if I decide not to go out then perhaps I will go find some other reason to celebrate (Anything will do) and some other rad way of making my day way better than it would be without having first set that as my intention.

Also- I have decided to be truer to myself by choosing not to edit my posts- I am going to leave it raw as having a perfectly worded, grammatically correct blog was never my intention (although the capitals in odd seeming spaces are out of choice)

Blessings to all,
Even Tara

Pollyanna.

To be happy?

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance;

the wise grows it under his feet.

           

 ~James Openheim

Each time we allow ourselves to be overcome with paralyzingly strong negative emotions, we, ourselves, have invited the emotions to join us- we have created a seeemingly negative environment for ourselves. It is better to choose happiness.  To actively step back from a situation and find the peace in it helps to remind us that even the most seemingly negative setbacks can keep us well practiced in returning to a state of inner equilibrium.

 We are always left with the choice of whether we would rather give up our hold to anger, fear, pride or whatever it is we happen to be feeling, and leave room for the magic of the current  moment to take its place. Many of us feel as if we cannot just stop being mad- that our anger is justified.

Justify your anger or not-the anger will still do you no good.  Most of the things that make you angry today will not bother you next week, next year or certainly not next month. If they are not worth carrying into the future, why contaiminate another moments promise of freedom with the chains of unhappiness?

We are born to be Happy

"children guessed... but only a few and down they forgot as up they grew"
                                                                                                           ~e.e.commings


I love to watch children playing. It reminds me of the essence of life.  Playing children are not asking permission to be happy; they are not worrying about what thay need to do later; they are not putting their happiness on hold for another time. They live in the present moment, that is, unless they have been conditioned to do elsewise.

We have a lot to learn from children.  Children, because they are new to the world and to society, have not yet forgotten the wonders of living. They are committed to having fun, to enjoying life, and to living authentically.

We were all born knowing there is happiness inside of us, waiting to be released. This is why we are all trying to seek pleasure and avoid pain throught the entirety of our lives. Many of us loose our child-like zest for life, some before others. We forget how to forgive, we forget how to be happy, we forget how to live.We follow the tired examples of those around us, mistaking child-like love, kindness, and joy for childish naivety.

One must realize, as every innocent child assumes, that there is never a better time to be happy than in the here and now. The past is a memory, and the future is a plan, but the here and now is always our experience. If one is always putting happiness aside, placing conditions on one's own happiness (such as when I am in a better space, when I am in a better relationship, when I get this promotion, when there is an end to poverty and hunger) it is unlikely that we will ever get to be happy.  There will always be a reason to be unhappy if we search for it. The good news is that the opposite is also true. There will always be reasons to be happy if we look for them. In each situation, no matter how seemingly terrible, there is always something to be Glad for.  With practice it gets easier and easier to find the good in easch situation, even if it is something seemingly simple.

Getting in the "Attitude of Gratitude" is an easy way to remember to find the situations positive side. And one must never deny the importance of playing the "Glad game" and make it part of your thought pattern to continually find something, anything, to be happy about in each situation. It may sound child-ish and naive, but I am suggesting that it is instead a child like activity that will add not only value to your life, but value to the lives of those around you.

Choosing to Remeber

Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing. ~
                                                                                             Camille Pissaro


We have been encouraged to "Forget." Life, or at least society, easily influences one to feel as though there is not much reason to be Glad. It is hard to see the beauty of a baby when you are focused on the irratance of his cry. When you feel helpless in a situation, it may be hard to remember the strength of your mind.  I have been caught up in many situations were it seems hard, if not impossible, to be happy and I am sure that others have had the same experience.  


So how does one remain in a state of cheerful expectation when life throws curve balls?  How can we Remeber the Peace of the Present moment when surrounded in suffering? How can one person react one way in a seemingly impossible situation and another act totally different?

There are factors that come into play in suffering, most noticibly, there is a difference in perception. Perception influences us in powerful ways. Do we, as humans, even know the difference between reality and perception?

                        Reality is nothing more than what we percieve it to be.

Our perception paints our life whatever color we so choose. If we percieve a situation to be terrible, than our reality of that situation becomes a terrible one. When we percieve our situation to be a great one, than our reality of that situation becomes great. It is all in the perception.  We have a choice in every situation that comes along. We can choose to accept it, to change it, or to change our situation of it.

I am choosing to Remember that each time a person, thought or situation challenges my ability to remain in a Peaceful Presence that my Soul is being encouraged to grow. Each time my heart fills with anger, depression or apathy it hints that I have granted myself permission to allow my perceptions of the outside world cloud Who I am. Each seemingly negative feeling is helping to remind me to exercise my ability to remain Authentic to Myself and my choice to Love Life. 

 My inability to be easily content in certain situations will shine a light on my foundation, showing any cracks that need to be filled, any areas of my Awakening Mind, my Peaceful Mind, my Eternal Soul that need to be examed, that need tending. This is how people grow.  When we are comfortable and content, although we may not be suffering, we may not as easily see where there is room for growth.  The situations that are easy to be in a state of joy are wonderful experiences and should be celebrated, but I believe that the most important time to focus on happiness is when it is not easy to find.

And, as those of us from small towns so easily recognize, there is always a reason to celebrate, no matter how small the occasion.

Rekindling my Love Affair with Life.

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help to create that fact. ~ William James.

It has been far too long since I woke up eager to start my day, with the joyful motivation that comes only from loving life. I had fallen out of love with life. Some people call it "growing up." I call it "Forgetting." (Capital intended.) Gradually I had become aware that I was living in an "every day is no different than the last"  Mind Frame. This, not so suddenly, has become completely unacceptable. The world is Awakening - and I am on my Way. And I need to do my part to create the life we all innately deserve.

 With Awakening comes awareness. And I have been blessed with a new found awareness that life is much too short not to be happy. Cliche sounding I realize, but I am committing - to myself and to the World - that I will rekindle my love affair with life. In fact, I completely refuse not to be in Love with life. Many times I have felt the aching in my heart, the ecstatic feeling of oneness with all. And I want it back. Everyday. For Life. 

Life is wonderfully complicated and chaotically serene.  When one contemplates the perfection of the river's bend, the diversity of the cells in a fingernail, or the strength of the average ant, it is easy to see that there is perfection in every minute detail.  Life is so profuse and intricate. The complex vibrational waves created by a beloved song interacts with the precisely placed drum in the human ear to produce noises of comfort and pleasure. This interaction is only one of the many examples of the inter winding of the perceiver with the perceived. 

To me, there is no greater purpose for us humans than to Experience life. And I feel blessed to be here  experiencing every moment. To me, that is the purpose of life. And I am making the choice to have a great experience. I am no longer letting any opportunity for celebration go unnoticed. I am choosing to find something to be glad about in every passing moment. I am choosing to be blissfully happy. I am choosing to view life through rose colored glasses. I am choosing to be Pollyanna Pinkelstein.

I am choosing to be in Love with Life.                                                          

                         And I hope you choose to do so too.